A Place to Call Home

Margaret's Apartment Warming, October 2008

Tomorrow is an important day for Diva Sister--and me. She has a doctor's appointment which will determine whether she is clear of a medical problem that has made it necessary for her to stay in a skilled nursing facility since the end of January. If the doctor and the re-hab staff determine that she no longer needs skilled nursing care and that she has made sufficient progress in physical therapy to return home, she will be released.  She is very anxious to get to go home to her much loved apartment and--I must say--has been uncharacteristically cooperative with her treatment and therapy in order to "help" the re-hab staff decide that she is able to go home!  Diva Sister is a wiley old gal!  As her caregiver, I am very concerned that in her own apartment--even with a lot of support--she will not be able to maintain the progress she has made and that we will be back in the same medical crisis situation that sent her to the hospital and rehab for the fourth time in the last few years.

Making the decision whether an aging and medically fragile family member is able to continue living independently is excruciating for all concerned--and emotionally draining.  In care plan meetings at the rehab center, Margaret is a demon self advocate for her ability to live on her own.  I sit in the meetings, armed with my legal Durable Power of Attorney for Health Care for her, and silently scream "No, you can't cook for yourself without setting off the smoke alarms and calling out the fire department!" "No, you can't see well enough to perform the routine procedures like testing your blood sugar so that you can act when it dips dangerously low." In the end, the staff determines whether the patient can safely go home and the caregiver has to do what he or she can to line up support for return to independent living.  In our situation, these two sisters cannot live together--we've tried it with very bad results.  Both of us are very private people who just want to be left alone in our own home.  During a period of 4-6 months about ten years ago, it was necessary for Diva Sister and me to live together.  I often told my friends to check the local Courier-Journal for notice of a murder/suicide of the Lowe sisters!

In 2008 Margaret moved from her lifetime home in Pikeville, Kentucky to be nearer to me in Louisville as she began to need more and more help and her medical condition worsened.  We found her a cozy apartment in a senior citizen's complex about 10 minute drive from me.  My friends organized her an apartment warming, gifting her with things she loves like seasonal decorations and organizational supplies for her massive correspondence project.  Diva LOVES sending cards to everyone for all occasions!  We have shuffled along with this arrangement since October 2008, but over the years she's lost the ability to perform routine life activities like grooming, shopping, paying bills and cooking.  She gets help from Caretenders and I take care of the rest.  Still, she feels that she is managing on her own, while I know she needs to be in a more long term situation.  That's a big leap in any care situation. 

If you haven't seen this list, check back tomorrow for criteria that health professionals use to evaluate whether a person is able to live independently and safely.  Margaret doesn't meet many of these criteria, but I suppose we'll give it one more go!